I had a stupid, stupid melt down last night. Eddie is away with some college friends over the weekend. I was on the Internet last night and I was reading CBB and they have this watch that detects your fertility based on your sweat called OVwatch. I keep reading all the success stories but at 1st didn't see any relating to MF issues. I did see a question later about IUI/clomid no IVF. I could see it working for IUI then I read some stories about the trials and tribulations of a couple and they used the watch and it happened. I was like I would love to get this watch but we still have a MF issue. I e-mailed a lady with a question about all that and I wrote TTC for 2yrs and it struck me. That is a long time to try! I just thought if he would stop tobacco use (chew) it would maybe help our odds, man if it were me I would do anything and everything to increase our odds quit any thing that is hindering me from our goal. I just felt like he did not care and has no sense of urgency to quit. Honestly, I am afraid of any kind of fertility treatments that it if it involves talking fertility drugs. But dh did take clomid for 3mo and he was fine. I don't think I need chlomid but it could increase or chances. I would love to try IUI naturally. I was so upset last night I was literally balling...wasn't going to the horse show did not want to be around any snotty kids.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. And while this was all going on in my head dh had a very close call last night. Some obliviant drunk girl was behind the wheel and slammed into a pub that dh was standing outside talking to his friends. He was very close to getting hurt and some of his friends did get hurt including the friend he was talking to. He is extremely lucky and his friends that got hurt will be ok.
It felt like a wake up call for me, why do I duel on these things for which I have no control over. It's like that song from Carrie Underwood - Jesus Take the wheel - I can't do this on my own. My faith has never failed me and it has helped over this whole ordeal - specially praying the PIETA. I do want it to happen but it is not helping the cause to obsess about it. OK, I have gotten better but it will always be on the back of my mind until I have my own little baby.
Maybe I will just talk to Eddie have a heart to heart and tell him about what I am thinking about. How he needs to quit and maybe we could give this a go naturally even with IUI but he needs to quit for his health, for me and for our future children . We could give it a go for 6 months. If nothing them we could pursue more aggresivley. Oh, I am not old just 31!!!
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