Pondering questions

I am thinking....what if I have mild PCOS, Endo or LUFS. These are questions I need answered by my next appointment. Even though ok Eddie has a slight problem I keep thinking that it is more than just him that I am involved maybe I have something too that is impeding that wonderful conception. I have had blood test (FSH, LH TSH) all normal. HSG- normal..I still think what if I have LUFS...I may have all the signs that I am ovulating but the egg is not ruptured. But then I read TCOYF and it applies if lutueal phase is so short...not my case. In all the year that I charted it seemed absolutely normal. Maybe I can check that one off for now. What about PCOS? Hormonal problem....inability to ovulate and abnormal cycles. Again, not the problem. I have not missed a cycle in my life. But what if I have mild PCOS...that I will ask the OB about (insulin resistance). Then what about Endo...I am having pain with int and today I have a dull pain where my ovary is...then again today is CD14 and I may be ovulating. Gosh, this is all too confusing and it sounds like I can make myself crazy thinking about all the things that may be wrong with me. Maybe there is nothing wrong and it may be only Eddie, but I do want to completely take myself out of the loop and make sure it is only a MF issue. Why oh why is TTC so difficult. Is God punishing me for things I have done in my past?

I do have a dream and that is to be a mother one day. Even though I feel like that dream may be getting to where I may be able to reach it it still baffles me that it has not happened on our own and that wee need help.

Moving for me has at least gotten me out of the rut of just thinking about TTC. It can drive you crazy and take you to places I never thought I would experience. I thought it would be easy. I thought that for sure if not in six months it would happen by the end of the year. Well, guess what it hasn't happened and two years of wedding bless are getting ready to pass by in June. Last year was very stressful for me...am I or not. Then when lovely AF would show I would get depressed.

This year I have been distracted by the move the house and my new job. Did I tell you about my insurance? I have fertility coverage!!

June for me means the beginning of or 2nd year together, me turning 31 and the possibility of getting closer to my dream to become a mother.

Sometimes I feel like I could not imagine what it would be like to have a baby...your whole life changes. From two you become a family. Perhaps that is why it takes 9 months to develop because in those 9 months you are getting mentally and physically prepared for the beautiful soul to enter your lives.

I am ready little angel whenever you are!!