Nuevo ciclo

Today is the start of a new cycle. As much as I have gone through disappointments it still bothered me to see AF. I tried to hide my discouragement form dh but he still picked up on it. Yesterday and today I have felt as though I have this black cloud over me. I try and think positive thoughts and be grateful for the good things in my life but it always comes down to thinking of what I don't have and my sometimes jealously and bitterness for those who do have what I desperately desire. Maybe it all hit me when my sil asked how long we have been married. Three years in June, has it been that long since we have been ttc? Last year, since we put it off I don't think it bothered me as much as these past few months. Also, my niece which that sil and I were trying to get pregnant at the same time, will be two this year. That is how old our child would of been if we had gotten pregnant right away after our wedding in 2005. But, it didn't happen and here I am almost three years later still hoping. I think I am scared if we do get help and it still doesn't work, will I be bitter and jealous the rest of my life? How depressing, I hope it works with help. I don't have a back up plan as of now and don't want to think of one until I have too. I will try and keep my head up and be thankful for the good things in my life.