A month lost

Yesterday I found out that dh is still using tobacco. We have lost a month...I found out bc I was taking the cat out for a minute and from outside there in the bathroom I saw a used plastic bottle. Then when he came out of the room I confronted him. He said he picked back up last week. I told him you know we lost a month now and of course we had a bit of an argument. Does he not understand how important this is to me. I am doing everything I can to increase our odds, why isn't he taking part of this? Does he not care? Does he not know that time is not on my side? I know he cares and wants kids as much as I do - maybe doesn't have the urgency I feel. I think he needs help. If anyone is reading this, do any of you have any suggestions? Anyhow, I am going to make an acupuncturist appointment and he needs to go. He obviously can't do this on his own.

Then yesterday I was talking to a co-worker and he was talking about his daughter...saying how much life changes after you have a baby. You can't sleep in, more planning for outings...etc..and he ended it with but it is worth it. I know it will be and parenting is not the easiest job in the world but there are so many rewards that alone makes it worth it. Then I asked if he was plannig on having more kids for the future? And he said there is already one on the way...good for you and the fertiles. I said to him: We are in the talks and are thinking about next year. You know I am getting older and you never know if you can have problems. Go figure! He has no clue what we/I have gone through and the mask I present to the outside world.